I'm STILL here...

I was ready to go that day, but again I didn't have it in me to do it. To go. To be lifted into the heaven.

That day, I took a different look at my life. Sometimes, I personally need to do that. People depend on me. My forever friend, friends, family and adults in general. I may feel behind at times, but there's time to catch up. Let the people who are doing big things do what they need to. If they are meant to be your friend, they'll be there no matter what. Support you through all your successors.

So much thought went through my mind looking out into the world and what it is. I don't remember most of it.

All I know, that if I decide to take my life again, I more than likely won't. There's too much to live for.

A close person to me once said, "You may not always understand why certain things play out how they do.. but just know that one day all will be clear, and you'll understand every last thing that help shape into who you are to this day." To this day, this same person is still around. I know I'm not a cool person, but for some unknown reason, the person still cares and I hope it stays that way for the rest of our lives.

ReAdY.

Thought about it again tonight.

What's it like to be up there? To be past the moon and the stars? To this place of serenity?

No judgement. No problems. Just happiness. I want it. I need it. I crave it.

Deep down inside, I'm ready to go. Say goodbye to no one. Just to let them know I cared for them, loved them, and to not give up like I did.

If only I could explain this side of myself. But, I know no one would understand...